Part 11



'OFFICIAL SCRIPT'

By: Brad Shoemaker and Nick DePalma

 PART 11:  Cut to a flash of white. Things come in to focus. Rosie Reynoso finds herself in the IDBHoD Headquarters. IDBHoD themselves wait on the other end of the table. ROSIE (confused): What in the- Where have you taken me?....and how? DEEP VOICE GUY: Ah, Rosie. You have many questions. You will come to find, though, that destiny will call upon you in this time of great need. ROSIE: What? REASONABLE GUY: That’s Deep Voice Guy-slang for “We’ve been working with only dudes for far too long”. ROSIE: Deep Voice Guy? What is this, some kind of cult? DEEP VOICE GUY: You could call it that. Listen, crazy cult or not, we’ve got business we need to sell (Pulls out IDBHoD T-shirts). It’s just not good marketing with an all-male group flying around together in a ship. We need to branch ourselves out to a wider audience! (Now pulls out new memorabilia with Rosie in the crew) With new merchandise like this, we’ll be even more popular – our stuff will sell like hotcakes! ROSIE: I’ve never heard of you. DEEP VOICE GUY: Er, more precisely, sell like hotcake. One singular hotcake. Pans over to show German Guy doing a crazy mad scientist experiment in a IDBHoD+Rosie outfit. GERMAN GUY: *maniacal laughter* DEEP VOICE GUY (speaks really fast): Oh and also we needed to capture you so Peter would work for us. ROSIE: Wait..? Peter’s working with you? Where’s he at? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">DEEP VOICE GUY: You’ll find out all in due time; we’re facing a threat that could wipe us out at any moment. We’ve got to act now. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">ROSIE: So I’ll get to rough up some bad guys? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">DEEP VOICE GUY: Quite possibly. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">ROSIE: Eh, what the hell, I’m in. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">They shake hands. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Cut back to the BiTC Cave. Manfred, Thongledore, Peter and McGregor groggily crawl out of the destroyed lift and emerge in a swampy, dimly lit, cavern. There are traces of early 20th century technology abound, and signs for “BiTC”. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: BiTC… finally, the truth will be revealed. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">They walk to an old projector and turn it on. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Shows the old film, which the old timey sped up grainy look. Ragtime music plays. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">OLD TIMEY VOICE: Tally-ho! The year is 1933. Star baseball outfielder Franklin Delano Roosevelt denies trade to the Yankees and leads Sox to third straight pennant. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Cuts to a little kid holding a newspaper about the news. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">NEWS BOY: Extray-extray! Big Boy Bats Ball Billion Blocks at the Bi-Annual Bismarck Bonanza! Bully! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">OLD TIMEY VOICE: Meanwhile, President Hoover enters his second term determined to continue his success that brought him a landslide victory. Hoover, teaming up with his long term allies, sets out to find the creature known as the Andybird. Say there, Bobby, what did they tell you at school? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">BOBBY: I hear that bird’s a menace! Why I oughta- <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Old Timey Voice Man ruffles Bobby’s hair <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">OLD TIMEY VOICE: Whoa there, Jimmy, save your energy, kid. (cheesy laugh) Now you run on home, boy, and tell Mom to buy some war bonds! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">BOBBY: There’s a war going on?! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">OLD TIMEY VOICE: Ho ho, not yet Billy!.....Oh, here come Hoover’s allies now! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">BOBBY: Oh boy! BiTC! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">In walks 6 individuals, only Deep Voice Guy is visible, but it’s clear that the Icy Dark Black Hand of Death is actually BiTC. The Grüp looks at each other, bewildered. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Deep Voice Guy also ruffles Bobby’s hair, who looks disheveled now. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PAST DEEP VOICE GUY: Remember kids, if you ever see something a mite bit peculiar, give a ring on yer old rotary phone to BiTC…we’ll help you out… with SCIENCE! (he holds out a beaker and the word ‘SCIENCE’ appears on the screen). No need for you to question what that means! (smile) <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PAST REASONABLE GUY: Um… shouldn’t we at least explain a little bit to them? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PAST DEEP VOICE GUY: Shut up, Ji—(the footage suddenly cuts out) <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The Grüp looks around at each other. Manfred looks wide eyed. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: I…had…no idea…. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">He then starts clawing at his face, slapping himself, and generally pulling a Curly from Three Stooges. He rolls around on the floor rolling in place. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: We’ve been working for BiTC the whole time!!! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Manfred is screaming while the others look on. He then pulls out yet another steak from his satchel to calm himself down. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">THONGLEDORE: You’re a freak, unlike me of course. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MCGREGOR: I don’t know why you’re so surprised. I figured it out in 5 minutes. It’s probably largely because I am, in fact…. McGregor. I mean, even Sheriff Badass probably already figured out that IDBHoD is BiTC. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Cut to another interrogation room (a different one this time). Sheriff Badass has a bag on his head and they plop him down in a chair and take the bag off. Payne comes in with the light shining on Badass. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PAYNE (abruptly): WHO DO YOU WORK FOR? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">BADASS (right away): IDBHoD <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PAYNE: WHO ARE THEY? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">BADASS (right away again): Well, they’re probably BiTC. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PAYNE: OH, I was… hoping I would beat it out of you… with this wrench. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">BADASS: Well, you can still do that! I’d kinda like it! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Payne frowns, confused. Cut back to the BiTC lair. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: We need to find BiTC… what exactly were they up to with the Andybird? This tale’s taken a dark turn… <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Just then, a series of lights turn on and reveal an ominous walkway. At the end of the hallway is a muddy pedestal that once held the statue of the Javelina. The Grüp walks to through the muck to reach the pedestal. Manfred brushes off some of the mud and reveals a javelina foot. When he brushes the mud off, the foot glows gold through the crust. Manfred slowly picks up the javelina foot. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: What in the name of- <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Suddenly, they hear a wise old voice speak to them through the walls. It sounds mystic and garbled slightly. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">SHAMAN: Auauaayaaaauauayyy! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: …what? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">SHAMAN: Sorry, I thought you spoke…….shaman. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: Well, obviously we don’t. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">SHAMAN: If you wish to know more about BiTC’s past, meet me at the Imperial Palace. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: How are you speaking with us, O Wise Shaman? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">SHAMAN: The Artifact that you now hold possesses more power than you could ever possibly imagine! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: Well, at least there’s not zombies… <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">SHAMAN: what? <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Zombies then break through the wall; they managed to dig down into the cave. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">SHAMAN: Holy shit! I’m totes out! Peace! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The mystic sound from the wall suddenly changes to a dial tone. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PETER: Zoinks! Zombies! Gaaaang-waaaay! <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">They run off. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The Grüp runs through the abandoned base, which ends up leading to an underground lake. In the lake rests a large submarine with the BiTC logo on the side. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: There’s our ticket out of here. <p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">They hop into the sub as the zombies rage after them. They frantically enter the sub and prepare for the chase.