Part 1



'OFFICIAL SCRIPT'

By: Brad Shoemaker and Nick DePalma

 PART 1: 

10,000 years ago... narrated by Peter Cullen (voice of Optimus Prime)

NARRATOR: 10,000 years ago...

Shows a group of hunter-gatherers just...hunting and gathering.

NARRATOR: A world of savages and beasts. Most of these prehistoric humanoids struggle to cope with the harsh environment that the proverbial genetic lottery has thrust them into – except for that guy.

Pan over to Andy, who is a surprisingly modern human with a laptop in this society of savages. The other cavemen are grunting and hitting each other with sticks.

ANDY: Shut up guys, I'm trying to play WoW.

*PRODUCT PLACEMENT*

Shows his screen- says "Players Online-1". His guy is just jumping up and down.

ANDY (nerdy sounding): I need more mana!

Dramatic music as caveman picks up bone and looks at it thoughtfully, like in "2001: A Space Odyssey". Dramatic music builds up-

He then abruptly smacks Andy in the head with the bone while grunting.

ANDY: Aw, man!! Stop it!

The caveman points at his own stomach and starts rubbing it, grunting. He then starts biting his arm. Andy intervenes.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDY (annoyed): What are you doing?

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The caveman tries to bite Andy now.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDY: Ok fine! I'll go get some food. Geez.. (mumbling) playing my world of warcraft, raggle fraggle, tryna get some mana, taggle maggle, biting my doggone clickin hand

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">He wanders off into a nearby forest.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Cut to the Forest of Scarytude.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">Andy is walking through a forest.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDY: Where am I going to get any food in this luscious forest?

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">He walks right by a mound of slabs of meat, with berries and a lake of fresh water. He walks into an area where there's dead trees and an ominous fog. It's gloomy and spooky and scary and spooky.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">FOG (slowly): Evil...

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDY: Here we go. This looks more promising.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">He walks up to a giant statue of a bear holding a javelina, going to kill it. The statue is glowing.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDY: That'll make some good home cookin'

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">He goes up to the javelina and tugs on it, but nothing's happening. After some effort, he rips off just the feet, and falls backward. The statue emanates a dark black light (yeah that's right) of doom. A voice comes from the statue.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDYBEAR: You dare disturb the sacred resting place of the Andybear? Prepare to suffer! Grrrrr-ahhhh!

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The statue starts to rumble and crackle. The eyes glow and the spirit of the Andybear comes out and shoots into Andy.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDYBEAR: You shall forever be cursed into this evil form.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">A bird flies by and is zapped by light, and Andy turns into the Andybird

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">ANDYBEAR: A bird? That's not very menacing... Nonetheless...................evil!

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt">The Andybear gets fully absorbed into the Andybird and it lays on the ground, smoldering. It starts to rain.