Part 13



'OFFICIAL SCRIPT'

By: Brad Shoemaker and Nick DePalma

 PART 13:  The dolphins drop off The Grüp on a beach after quite a long ride. The dolphin that was holding McGregor is clearly in pain because of his huge girth. His head is barely above the water. The rest of The Grüp steps out of the water onto the beach, but McGregor rises from the ocean carrying the dolphin by the tail. A family watches in horror as McGregor throws the pained dolphin at the kid’s feet. The kid is on the verge of tears.

MCGREGOR: I’M THE GOOD GUY!

The family runs off.

THONGLEDORE: Hahaha, classic McGregor.

Manfred’s brick phone rings and he picks it up.

MANFRED: Ahoy hoy.

He then covers up the speaker and turns to the Peter.

MANFRED (whispering): Wait a minute- they’re actually BiTC… they’ve been hiding it from us.

PETER: Don’t let them know that we’re on to them.

Manfred removes his hand from the speaker.

MANFRED (louder): Will do, Peter!

DEEP VOICE GUY: what

MANFRED: Um, nothing. How are you guys doin’?

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">DEEP VOICE GUY: Thanks for asking. We’re doing pretty good-

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: MORE LIKE BITC!!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Manfred then crushes the phone in half in his hand and chucks it into the ocean.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: Man, I sure told them off!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">THONGLEDORE: Hahaha, classic Manfred!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: Now, remember what that shaman said, we’ll learn the truth in the Imperial Palace. So, off to Japan we go. There…the truth will be revealed. And away (he points to no particular direction) we goooooooooooooooo-

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Cut to an airport where The Grüp is looking at departure times. They are holding their luggage.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED:-oooooooooooo

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PETER: Would you stop it?

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: Nooooooooooooooooooo-

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">He keeps on saying “noooo” as they walk through the airport.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">At security, people are walking through the metal detector. A TSA Agent speaks as people walk through the metal detector.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">TSAICUS JOHNSON (TSA AGENT): You’re good, you’re good, you’re good.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">McGregor then walks through the metal detector, while still wearing his vest of guns. He sets off every alarm in the airport and all other alarms in a 10 mile radius.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">TSAICUS JOHNSON (doesn’t change tone): You’re good.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Another guy walks in.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">TSAICUS JOHNSON: You’re good.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">An Arabic guy wearing a turban walks through. He is clearly a normal, innocent family man.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">TSAICUS JOHNSON: HOoooold on a there, buddy boy. Time for a “random”, unbiased luggage inspection.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Shows a plane taking off. The Grüp is on the plane.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Camera pans through the plane to show all the passengers. The attendants are handing out peanuts, and Manfred is arguing with one of them.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: I’ll take a big ol’ steak…. extra rare… on the rocks… over easy!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">ATTENDANT: Sir, we don’t serve steak.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: Then what do you call this? (pulls out yet another steak from his lap)

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">ATTENDANT: Did you pull that out of your pocket?

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED: I don’t have any pockets!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Manfred slaps the attendant directly in the face with the pant-steak.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">ATTENDANT: What the hell?!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">In the opposite aisle, a black guy laughs.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">JAMARCUS LUTHER KING: You just got meat slapped, boi!!!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">VOICE: Did somebody say MEAT SLAP?!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Camera pans over one seat to show a rapper dressed in typical rapper attire (basically Flavor Flav), but instead of the clock, it’s a giant slab of meat with an “M” branded on it. He also has meat earrings and his name is Meat Slap.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MEAT SLAP: Meat slap to the left!!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">EVERYONE IN THE LEFT SIDE OF THE PLANE: Hey!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MEAT SLAP: Meat slap to the right!!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">EVERYONE IN THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE PLANE: Hey hey!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MEAT SLAP: Meat slap up front!!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PILOTS: Whassup!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Suddenly, the plane goes into a nosedive and the Klaxon siren starts going off.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">PILOT: Whoops.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">He easily rights the plane and everything is okay.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MEAT SLAP: Meat slap in the back!!

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Thongledore pokes his head out of the bathroom.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">THONGLEDORE: (Inquisitive growl)

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Thongledore then steps out of the bathroom and literally 9 ladies and 1 gentleman step out after him. He laughs oddly.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">McGregor is in a middle seat, sitting next to two rambunctious little kids. They are acting like stereotypical kids hopping all over the place. McGregor is very pissed off and growls. He clutches a can of soda and slowly crushes it, very mad. His hand starts to bleed.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Abrupt cut to Mount Fuji. The text reads: “Japan | En route to the Imperial Palace”

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The Grüp is climbing Mount Fuji. It is a harrowing quest full of heartbreak and pain. Thongledore’s beard is all icicle-y and they struggle to make it to the top. Manfred slowly and painfully looks up and sees a large palace. They slowly limp their way in.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED (weakly): We’ve finally made it… the Imperial Palace…

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">The telepathic voice of the shaman echoes in.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">SHAMAN: Oh, I kinda meant the one… in Vegas.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Pause.

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">MANFRED (extremely angrily): Mother fuuuu-

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-style: normal;">Cut very abruptly to another plane flying back to the States. McGregor is once again sitting between two children. The can he’s holding is once again crushed. After a few seconds of crushing, it suddenly catches fire. Cut.